Dreams – the relationship’s GPS

Our dreams and expectations shape our vision of an ideal relationship. When our relationship feels right, it’s usually because our expectations align closely with reality. Feeling unhappy often signals a need for change, either in our actions or expectations of the relationship.

Diversity between partners is beneficial. Learning to appreciate different ‘driving styles’ takes time, patience, and creativity.

It’s unwise to measure our relationship against the often misleadingly polished images on social media. Instead, we should set our benchmarks based on our personal goals and the resources we have. Life’s imperfections don’t preclude it from offering beautiful moments; realistic expectations lay the groundwork for contentment.

Feelings are important and valid, but remember, they ebb and flow. A solid relationship is built on more than just emotions; it’s grounded in facts and actions. A relationship should weather the storm of negative feelings and not falter when romantic feelings ebb.

What do we expect from our journey together?

Nowadays, relationships can take on many different forms, giving couples the freedom to craft something truly unique.

Just like a car isn’t bought merely to sit in but to get us where we want to go, a relationship is not just for being together but for progressing in life. Communication is the key tool here: share your thoughts and desires about your relationship with your partner and listen to theirs.

Balancing expectations is crucial. It’s reasonable to expect respect, security, responsibility, and open communication – and that your partner is there with and for you. It is essential to recognise that your partner is also an independent person with their own dreams and needs. The ultimate goal is crafting a relationship where both partners feel content and valued. How can you build a partnership that feels ‘good enough’ for both of you?

Similar or different values?

Values shape our decisions, from significant life events to daily choices. They represent what we hold dear. However, the true test of values is in how they’re reflected in our actions. For instance, if family is a shared value, how is this prioritised in daily life? Could it be that our practical choices sometimes unintentionally place more importance on work?

Consider the values guiding your life together. Can you find common ground when there’s a clash, such as choosing between an environmentally friendly train journey or a more practical car trip for a holiday?

Hold on to your dreams.

What aspirations do you, we, and I harbour? Are your individual goals in harmony, or do they diverge? While some prefer setting personal ambitions, others aim for shared dreams. A healthy relationship thrives on collaboration and shared objectives. It’s okay to allow each other space for personal dreams, but it’s also vital to maintain a joint vision.

Don’t assume your partner shares your desires; communicate openly about your short-term and long-term aspirations. Voicing your goals helps in working towards them together and deciding what compromises can be made for the sake of a shared dream. Finding a middle ground isn’t always straightforward, but clear choices can help avoid disillusionment or resentment.

What do you dream about together? Hold fast to your shared dreams and give them time to grow. They act as your GPS on your journey together. Acknowledge your progress and the persistence it took to get there, even if the path wasn’t flawless. Every small victory, even those uncelebrated by others, is a milestone worth recognising in your unique circumstances. Celebrate each achievement and take pride in what you have accomplished together!

Self-assessment

Rate the following statements from 1 to 5, where 1 means ‘not at all’, and 5 means ‘completely’.

1. I am clear about what I expect from our relationship.

2. We have openly discussed our individual expectations of the relationship.

3. We share common goals and dreams and are aligned in our direction.

4. Our relationship allows space for each of our dreams.

Reflect:

Think of your future: Imagine where you and your relationship will be in five years. How will we cultivate our relationship? What aspects do we want to maintain? What new things might we introduce?

Create an individual or joint vision board. Use headlines, quotes, and images from various media that resonate with your aspirations. Place the vision board somewhere visible to regularly inspire you.

Start envisioning your future today. What does life look like in five years? Explore the possibilities and obstacles and what actions you can take now to realise your desired future.