Welcome to the relationship inspection station!

Let’s take a moment to think about our journey together. What direction is our relationship heading in? Are we both happy in our union? What’s thriving, and what might need a fresh approach?

It’s helpful to occasionally pause and assess the state of your partnership, like giving it a relationship inspection. Much like cars, relationships require regular upkeep and sometimes even a few parts changed out when they are worn out and no longer function as they should.

Take a moment to reflect: How are things between us? Do we feel stuck, or are we struggling to navigate through life’s hustle and bustle with little time left for ‘us’? What’s causing friction, and what’s moving forward smoothly? Which parts of our relationship could use a service?

It’s also wise to periodically assess your partner skills: What sort of partner am I? Who do I aspire to be within this partnership? In which areas am I keen to grow? What’s holding me back from becoming the partner I want to be?

It’s crucial to consider your needs: What do I seek from my relationship? Can I effectively communicate my needs and desires to my partner? How might I better articulate my wishes and needs to ensure I feel understood and accepted by my partner?

Test: How is the drive going?

Answer the following questions on your own first, separately from your partner. Do you agree or disagree with the statements below? After you both are done, compare your answers.

Go over each statement together. For instance, if one agrees with the statement ‘There is room to breathe in our relationship’ while the other disagrees, it is good to pause and delve into your individual perceptions. When and why do you feel your relationship is suffocating? Describe and explain your viewpoint. Listen, show interest, and encourage your partner to share their own experience.

Should any of your partner’s thoughts offend or hurt you, stop right there and address these feelings immediately. Consider what aspects of your relationship or your life together tie in with these sensitive issues.

  1. I get enough attention in our relationship.
  2. There is enough intimacy in our relationship.
  3. I dare to express my own needs to my partner.
  4. I feel heard in our relationship.
  5. We know how to resolve conflicts.
  6. We know how to talk about difficult things.
  7. We take equal responsibility for household chores.
  8. There is room to breathe in our relationship.
  9. I can be myself in our relationship.
  10. We share dreams in our relationship.
  11. Our relationship is safe.
  12. We have disagreements about how to use our time.
  13. We have enough time for each other.
  14. I can trust my partner.
  15. I feel valued in our relationship.
  16. There is joy and fun in our relationship.
  17. I can express my feelings to my partner.
  18. I feel that we are on the same side.
  19. We are both committed to this relationship.
  20. There is a lot of blaming in our relationship.
  21. We both take responsibility for nurturing our relationship.
  22. We encourage each other.
  23. We brag about each other.
  24. There is goodwill in our relationship.

After you have answered the questions and discussed your answers, do the following exercise together:

  1. List 1–5 things working well in your relationship.
  2. List 1–5 things where you want to see change.

Huh! List of concerns
If any of the following concerns resonate with your relationship, take a moment and confront the issue head-on, no matter how difficult it may feel. Have you discussed it as a couple? Might it help to speak with someone outside the relationship?

1. Substance abuse is casting a shadow over our relationship.
2. Our relationship includes emotional abuse, such as isolation, insults, or threats.
3. Physical violence is a part of our relationship.
4. We are experiencing financial control or abuse within our relationship.
5. Our children are being negatively affected by our relationship.
6. Others have voiced their concerns about our relationship.

Practice Exercise:

-Listen to Anna Puu’s song “Säännöt rakkaudelle” (‘Rules for love’) and draw up a manual for your relationship.

- What is your relationship’s history? Where did it all begin? What stages have you gone through? Draw a timeline of your relationship, recording significant events and periods and their impact on your relationship.

- What kind of relationship do/did your parents have? And your grandparents? What kind of relationships have you witnessed? Do you want something similar or something different?

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